I am feeling pretty low in mood and energy today, I nearly missed posting a blog entry again because I just didn’t feel like bothering. But I persevered as I know this isn’t all due to C.F.S symptoms it has a lot to do with what day it is. Today September 13th is my dad’s birthday the fourth one without him here since his death in 2006. I’m not very good with emotions they seem to just crop up on me without me noticing.  I usually only realise something is effecting me because I start feeling ill. Like today I realised my worsening symptoms recently could be due to knowing today was coming up soon. I’d convinced myself that I’m over it that days like this shouldn’t effect me so badly any more. At least I feel like that should be the case but its not as simple as that, is it? I still miss him and I always will and days like today you remember and even if you don’t want to you feel a little sad.  I have trouble talking about what I’m feeling probably because I have trouble acknowledging what I’m feeling most of the time and that doesn’t really help because I probably should have spent today thinking and perhaps talking about him but instead I spent it trying not to think at all. Its something I’m going to have to work on.

My Dad

I drew this soon after his death, I think it helped me cope with how I was feeling. I chose a photograph to draw from that captured his personality. He was always having a laugh and often acting silly and that’s how I will always remember him.